January 2011 I Cyclecanada 29
City bicyclists tend to be the most discourteous, pig-headed bunch of boneheads on the road, demanding all the privileges of both pedestrians and motorists, while showing no consideration for the rules and responsibilities tha: come as part and parcel of street usage. They consistently and willfully ignore every law of the road as they scrape the paint off irnocent vehicles while bouncing through congested traff ic; then these pedalling potty-heads have the audacity to scream at anyone who, in the course of operating a vehicle sanely and legally might obstruct their sacrosanct path.
Only fractionally less obnoxious than these dolts are the "racers."This muscle-bound baud of morons insists on cluttei ing rural highways by riding four abreast, five deep, at about half the recognized speed limit. And usually, some dutiful wifey follows
About a week before this expedition began, my friend Paul called up. "My back's really bugging me. You wanna go riding?" That's the way Paul handles adversity-confront it, then try to beat the snot out of it. Being the owner of a scrapyard body close behind in :he "l-don't-like-cars" family rust-bucket, four-way flashers just a humm ng, with the standard Warning! Baby on Board sticker plastered over the rear-window defogger. Racing be damned, this intrusion constitutes a road-block1
These arrogant meatheads haunt some of the best backroads that surround metropolitan areas. And Dray you never have the misfortune to encounter one of their start/finish lines! Here, the pack parks their beat-up Pintos, Ladas and Fiats along both sides of an already narrow road before strutting about in their stretch elastic black underwear, refusing to move for any traffic that doesn't have a bicycle rack strapped to its roof rack or bumper.
-Around the Bend, May 1987
too, I replied "sure." An hour later, Paul and I pointed our bikes off into the bush east of Sandam tin northern Ontario; it's not on the map),a dirt-bike heaven of rock, mud, bottomless swamps, and tight trails that used to absorb our Sunday mornings. Unfortunately owing to the sad state of aforementioned backs, we hadn't been there in a while. So we were a little surprised to find a bush road intersecting our old playground.
Anyway, after a few doses of Tylenol and an amazing leap across the Ottawa River, Paul and I ended up in Temiscaming, Quebec, the theoretical starting point for a long-considered expedition southeast toward Deux Rivieres, or maybe Rapides des Joachims, or perhaps even Pembroke. It was the lure of unridden bush and un-
Around the Bend with pedalling potty-heads
I have never written to Cycle Canada before, but Max Burns's column on bicyclists was his finest hour. I have often been amused, entertained, even enlightened by his editorials, but this was sheer brilliance.
Bicyclists are all he said and more: ignorant. unlawful and above all very dangerous.
Dan Esau Swift Current, Sask.
I was riding my lO-speed home and had a car door opened in front of me, leavingrae just enough time to name my Lord and Savior before hitting the door and landing on the pavement.
If there had been a moving car behind me I would have been kilied, and would now be haunting the garage of Max Burns.
Paul Cann Toronto
Max's dissertation on "pedalling potty-heads" was devastatingly funny. What isn't so funny, however, is that the stereotype he describes is all too accurate. Given these riders' size-to-ar-rogancc ratio, I'm often ainazed there aren't more cyclists involved in accidents.
Lest you get the idea I'm a rabid anti-bicyclist, let me add that in addition to my motorcycling pursuits I am also a fan of bicycling, though definitely not a member of the trendy-undies set.
Attila Estok Vancouver
I got a kick out of Max Bums's column on city bicyclists. "The most discourteous. pig-headed hunch of bone heads on the road " Hmmm...sounds like me he's talking about.
I know I've soared down a flight of Stairs on to a busy sidewalk on more than one occasion. Sure, the law requires reflectors, a bell or horn, etc., and of course you must obey the traffic regulations...
But until they start enforcing the laws-yee ho! And get out of my way!
Charles Morand Mississauga. Ont.
is your name pronounced moron? —Ed.
Ycur Irttm arr *rlrora«i for Ruckrt VVnte II» »uui laction of Crdr Canada, t lomm for your opinions nrvj kJ«$ Write to 7?« Kdiinr. Cycle Can«*. 41t Richmond Sf F.. Toronto. Ont M5 A 3». All btten must be %Md and show the writes full N»mm wit be wtthMd cpon mquct LMten may h* MJte* it, *»r»onal rvpli« ore not always po^ifcl*
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